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Saturday, January 29, 2022

Dear Annie | News, Sports, Jobs

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Annie Lin, joint columnist

Dear Annie: I am 45 years old and have experienced many traumatic events in the past, including abuses that are hard to name. My problem is, when I was growing up, I was so abused that I never learned how to feel. I had to suppress everything I was feeling and detach from my feelings and my body in order to survive.

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Now that I’m grown up and seeking mental help for nearly 17 years, I still can’t relate to anything inside. This has led to failed relationships, job losses, and more. I live every day in a plain of numbness, and yet I believe that I am worthless and do not deserve anything that I receive from anyone. It includes kindness, love, help, or gifts.

I have been through five therapists and many psychiatrists. No one was able to diagnose or help in any way.

Each of them came empty-handed and told me that I should ask him for help “a better person” Without giving referrals or suggestions on who I should talk to.

As a result, I began to distrust the world of psychotherapy.

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All I want is to live “Normal” Life and not everyone gets out of it. – numb and lost

Dear Numb and Lost: Thank you for messaging me. First, no one has “Normal” life. Everyone has things. But what you want is to get rid of the pain. I’m sorry you had to put up with all kinds of abuse.

No person or child should have to. The question is how do you cure it?

Congratulations on trying to find help. It looks like the five healers I saw probably weren’t trained in trauma. You may try to find a physical therapist.

Physical therapy is a type of therapy that helps treat PTSD by releasing the physical sensations that appear in everyday life. The therapist works from the inside out, starting with your body rather than just talking and cushioning the trauma over and over again.

I recommend reading Dr. Peter Levine’s book, “Wake up the tiger.” Another good shocking book is “The body keeps the score” by Bissell van der Kolk. Both can be a great resource on your journey toward feeling better. It’s a belt of inches and by the yard.

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Dear Annie: What an amazing soul, and it is your duty to do to others before you speak out loud about your ability to be truly selfless. Thank you for the experiences and tips you shared with the world. It is certainly a beautiful light that helps guide those who struggle through dark paths. – grateful

Dear Grateful: Thanks for the kind words. It is such an honor to have so many readers share their stories every week.

Editor’s note: “Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice from Dear Annie” out now! Annie Lane’s first book – featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family, and etiquette – is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions to Annie Lane at dearannie@creators.com.

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